In honor of self absorbed mods everywhere, I am going to take a fairly common experience and write about it as if it was somehow better than everyone else's similar experience.
Friday: Drove to Lake Martin to make the morning commute to boogville better. Grilled some filets on the BGE. Cooked them perfectly. Friend who was with me got the steak I was secretly planning on eating myself, DNGAF. Drank some delicious red wine that paired well with the filets. Went to bed early.
Saturday: Had a crying baby wake me up early. DNGAF. Got up at 5:00 and had a medium roast colombian brew coffee. Black. Because I'm a man. Cooked bacon and pancakes for the women and children. Ate last, got stuck with the extra crispy bacon. DNGAF. Loaded a car and drove to Auburn around 9:30. Took the back way and maneuvered back streets in Auburn to avoid most of the traffic because I'm a boss. Parked and cracked a beer at 10:15.
Drink with some friends at a "tailgate" which was literally them sitting on the back of a tailgate. Took them with me to a real tailgate right in front of the stadium. Tailgate guys setup, BBQ, TV, oh yeah and a got damn open bar. Boss. Finished off my beer and ordered a "crown." Bitch put coke in it. DNGAF. Drank it anyway. Too much sugar. Took one of my friend's beers (he shouldn't have grabbed my steak). More friends show up. Pulled out the 750 ML Crown bottle I had stashed in my cooler, forced all my friends to shoot it with me until it was gone. Stumbled into stadium.
Sat down in my seat. 45 yard line, but upper deck. DNGAF. Told my friend who came to the game with me, "I hate Gus Malzahn, but I'm going to scream like a lunatic until we don't have a shot in this game or it's over." Georgia scored. DNGAF. Pulled out my two crown royal minis and emptied them into my drink. Proceeded to whip Georgia's ass. Every snap that they were on defense I screamed like a lunatic. Every time they got a penalty, I yelled "CHEATERS!" And then... SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED!
I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. What could this be? I turn around and see a 6'0 145 pound UGA fan with a backwards hat. He is rustled about me screaming "CHEATERS!" every time they get a penalty. "What do you mean 'cheaters'?" he asked.
It was a literal dream come true. Here I was drunkenly screaming things from the upper deck of Jordan Hare stadium for my own amusement and somehow a young, scrawny, UGA fan swallowed the whole hook. I explained it to him like he was retarded. "When they throw the little yellow flag that means your team broke the rules, they cheated." He asked if Auburn ever cheats and all I could do was laugh hysterically. I had hoped to say goodbye to this young man but he left the stadium rather early for some reason. No idea why.
Nick Fairley is there, Gus challenges a meaningless play, we play Soulja Boy and whatever song teaches people to Dougie for what seemed like the longest video review I have ever been in attendance for, we trolled UGA into oblivion and dragged our nuts across their faces. ALL OF IT WAS GLORIOUS. The end.
Friday: Drove to Lake Martin to make the morning commute to boogville better. Grilled some filets on the BGE. Cooked them perfectly. Friend who was with me got the steak I was secretly planning on eating myself, DNGAF. Drank some delicious red wine that paired well with the filets. Went to bed early.
Saturday: Had a crying baby wake me up early. DNGAF. Got up at 5:00 and had a medium roast colombian brew coffee. Black. Because I'm a man. Cooked bacon and pancakes for the women and children. Ate last, got stuck with the extra crispy bacon. DNGAF. Loaded a car and drove to Auburn around 9:30. Took the back way and maneuvered back streets in Auburn to avoid most of the traffic because I'm a boss. Parked and cracked a beer at 10:15.
Drink with some friends at a "tailgate" which was literally them sitting on the back of a tailgate. Took them with me to a real tailgate right in front of the stadium. Tailgate guys setup, BBQ, TV, oh yeah and a got damn open bar. Boss. Finished off my beer and ordered a "crown." Bitch put coke in it. DNGAF. Drank it anyway. Too much sugar. Took one of my friend's beers (he shouldn't have grabbed my steak). More friends show up. Pulled out the 750 ML Crown bottle I had stashed in my cooler, forced all my friends to shoot it with me until it was gone. Stumbled into stadium.
Sat down in my seat. 45 yard line, but upper deck. DNGAF. Told my friend who came to the game with me, "I hate Gus Malzahn, but I'm going to scream like a lunatic until we don't have a shot in this game or it's over." Georgia scored. DNGAF. Pulled out my two crown royal minis and emptied them into my drink. Proceeded to whip Georgia's ass. Every snap that they were on defense I screamed like a lunatic. Every time they got a penalty, I yelled "CHEATERS!" And then... SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED!
I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. What could this be? I turn around and see a 6'0 145 pound UGA fan with a backwards hat. He is rustled about me screaming "CHEATERS!" every time they get a penalty. "What do you mean 'cheaters'?" he asked.
It was a literal dream come true. Here I was drunkenly screaming things from the upper deck of Jordan Hare stadium for my own amusement and somehow a young, scrawny, UGA fan swallowed the whole hook. I explained it to him like he was retarded. "When they throw the little yellow flag that means your team broke the rules, they cheated." He asked if Auburn ever cheats and all I could do was laugh hysterically. I had hoped to say goodbye to this young man but he left the stadium rather early for some reason. No idea why.
Nick Fairley is there, Gus challenges a meaningless play, we play Soulja Boy and whatever song teaches people to Dougie for what seemed like the longest video review I have ever been in attendance for, we trolled UGA into oblivion and dragged our nuts across their faces. ALL OF IT WAS GLORIOUS. The end.
