What’s the appropriate play: your buddy is married to an awesome lady
- Thread starter L I G E R
- Start date
Not sure where you guys think I have this power with Tate. Since you've seen the DMs, you know how many times I've been banded.
Haha l think you were more of a two-faced asshole in the DMs and a major Taterhead kiss-ass. Just as bad as being a rat like @Knotted Shorts IYAM...
Thread got interesting again. I'm back in.
They always say that. I had a buddy tell me that and we all saw him leave with the girl from the bar across the street.
Tough spot for sure with a married friend. My playbook says you tell him he's screwing up and you give him an out to get away from trouble after he's had his fun flirting and being flirted with. But I'm not cockblocking or doing something like saying "hey your wife is blowing up my phone looking for you" in front of his possible hook up. Not my job to go that far. If he's determined to stay there when you say you're bouncing, you are fighting a losing battle. He's gonna find a way to get strange cause he's already determined that's what he wants.
This is also why I don't get hammered in public anymore. Gotta be sober enough to know when the night needs to end without any help.
For me, whether there are kids involved is a factor. If the buddy and his wife have no kids, banging some strange and getting a divorce might be a good thing. Gets something that will happen anyway out of the way before kids come into the picture. Divorces without kids aren't good, but are a pretty short term deal. Divorces with kids cause decades of misery for multiple people.
BB spittin some truff, as usual. My daughter was in college and son was a senior in high school, and today, 7 years later, there's STILL residual crap that has to be dealt with, and it will be that way from now on.
There's a reason God said divorce was to be very limited... it just plain sux for families. Then comes remarriage and blended families... I added 3 daughters to the mix, so you can imagine the drAUma there.
And none of this has anything to do with OP really... just wanted to be a part of the thread. Miss a lot of you guys...
JW
True. These days none of my married friends are without kids, so I was thinking through that lens.
It's distinctly 2 different things...married with or married without kids. The first one feels almost like just engagement to me know. The second one is much different. Have 2 buddies going through brutal divorces with multiple kids involved and it breaks me when I think about it.
Exceptions to erry rule. My wife and I have no children and I don't think that makes our 13 years of marriage any less serious.
I've been out of the loop for days. Come back to cheating friends, possible three-ways and DM gate all over again.
I love ALL you people!
100% agree and I don't think that was the point. I took the point to mean that when kids are involved, more lives are hitting the shitta. Lives that had no decision in being brought into this world. The wife in this scenario now has to choose between living with someone whom she may never forgive or love again or ripping apart a once stable home to try and fend for her children without the other person hoping a court can correctly assess the financial benefit the husband provided.
I definitely agree with that but you Breeders have no clue how discriminated against we, the Childless, are. I just point out the micro- aggressions when I see them.
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The first time I read this post I said "Hell yeah you should say something" and I got all gung ho about being a boy scout and then I remembered that nothing good will come about it from your angle and in the end I probably wouldn't have said anything.
It's hard to police someone else's marriage.
It's hard to police someone else's marriage.
The divorce wouldn't involved the collateral damage of kids though.
But yeah, a 13 year marriage even without kids is much more serious than a couple of 24 year olds 2 years into it IMO. I say this as someone who was married at that age and if it had gone bad it wouldn't have altered either of our lives the way it would 13 years in, kids or not. Time in matters.
Here is the deal.
You see your buddy’s wife being an idiot, tell her to stop.
If she is having an all out affair, tell buddy.
If your buddy is about to get laid, keep your mouth shut.
Men can be physical only. Women, most of the time, cannot. Typically when they cheat it is an all encompassing deal that consumes their life etc. When most men cheat they just want the physical and are still capable to love their wife and get some strange.
You see your buddy’s wife being an idiot, tell her to stop.
If she is having an all out affair, tell buddy.
If your buddy is about to get laid, keep your mouth shut.
Men can be physical only. Women, most of the time, cannot. Typically when they cheat it is an all encompassing deal that consumes their life etc. When most men cheat they just want the physical and are still capable to love their wife and get some strange.
While I generally agree on how men and women react to these things, I'm still trying to give him an out to keep himself from cheating. I never assume that stuff stays quiet and if he does cheat I want it to happen off my watch. I don't want to even know about it, have been party to it or anything. But like I said, I'm not full cockblocking either. Just a "hey man, be smart...we're leaving in 5 and you should come with us but that's on you".
One thing that probably isn't being discussed in this enough is how well you know the friend. For example I have some friends who would be devastated the next day if they got so intoxicated that they did something like that. I also have some friends that are already doing those kinds of things on the side. You stop the friend who would be devastated for sure.
I've never been that intoxicated for sure but is it pretty typical for a person to leave, even inebriated, and consent to intercourse with someone else without knowing the consequences at some point before this all goes down?
I guess what I'm saying is, is alcohol just a convenient excuse to get some?
These types of post are what keep you near the top of my Worst Posters list. If you need some strange, tell your wife. If you picked the right one you'll get said strange with or without her. If you didn't pick the right one then you should have. No reason to lie if you have a good relationship.
I may be a ****flake but I'm also the one being stolen from every April 15th.
I was just messing with you but it really is one of my pet peeves. I love the looks my wife gets when she answers the question about, "So how many children do y'all have?", when around a new group of people. It's a mixture of confusion and sadness, when in reality she really enjoys not having to deal with children and enjoys the life it lends us. She misses some of the social aspects I think, the sporting events and other group activities that moms are constantly gathering for. Other than that though, there's really nothing to pity her for. Me? I'm mostly told by my friends who are fathers that we made the right choice after I tell them about the trip to the strip club, or that we're going camping for the weekend, alone.
The preferential treatment from the government that you Breeders get is what really chaps my ass.
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I was back in when @Scalded Dog started posting but back out now that we are back on topic.
Yeah I was out, then in with DM gate, out at on topic conversations, and then back in with the 3some talk now I'm out again. My emotions are being toyed with.
you are "incapable of loving" $1 to @demeat
Probably, I'm trying to decide if this makes me sad or not.
just wanna take a moment to thank you and your wife for not contributing to the overpopulation of our planet
No doubt. Sometimes we debate the fact that the stupid are out-breeding the intelligent and it's long term ramifications on society and the planet but then we LULX when remembering it won't effect us.
What did I say that was untrue or wrong in my post? I am not saying to cheat. I don’t cheat. I never have cheated on anyone.
I am NOT going to ruin SOMEONE ELSE’s Marriage. Why? For what? You want me to run and tell the wife so their kids live in a broken home over a one night stand? That isn’t my place...
I then lay out facts that women are far more emotional then men when it comes to this which is why it is more dangerous.
You may like to deliver bad news that cause chain events that can’t be undone. The OP wanted to know what he should do. I let him know what I would do. I would not tell that man’s wife a damn thing. IF THERE IS A REAL AFFAIR that is a different issue. But so much bad can come from that and sometimes it is better to let sleeping dogs lie.
What you did is try to paint me as a cheater saying I want to fvck other women. Again your moral high ground bull poop proves only one thing. YOU FAIL AT READING COMPREHENSION in order to delittle someone else. Sorry I rustle you so much, but you are still wrong on this one.
Have a great day. War Eagle.
We were married 10 years before we had a kid and the 2nd one was a semi-accident. We weren't sure we wanted to have any for the longest time. So we got those same looks and same comments that you are talking about. My in-laws were the worst about pressuring. At one point I pulled them aside and told them every comment they made tacked on 6 months of us putting it off, because that was truly the way it was effecting my wife.
I'd miss being a dad, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't weeks that I would love to go back to the pre-kid life too. This is why I enjoy my work trips I think. Being able to wake up 2-3 mornings and just do work and whatever the hell else I want to do feels like that old life.
